The Celestial Kiss Read online

  “Maybe not.” Olias agreed. “But she knows something, and if it will get me justice for her, I will do whatever it takes.”

  “You’re delusional.” Julius sounded impatient.

  “I’m not imagining the scars on her neck. The way some of them are ancient, but others…they look as recent as a few weeks ago.” He paused, watching for my expression. “What is it, Lilith? Am I on to something?”

  I moved my hair to cover my neck more completely. My heart had squeezed into nothing more than a fist in my chest, refusing to beat. Olias’ grin remained,even as he walked away, knowing that the damage had been done. He had planted a seed of doubt. How could I trust my feelings for James when they were quite possibly manufactured?

  Julius stared after him a moment, before turning to me. “Are you okay?” His eyes were filled with genuine concern. I managed a nod, and he straightened, preparing to turn away from me.

  I caught his wrist before he could go, and as he looked at me I saw the curiosity etched on his face. Just two weeks ago, when Julius had interrogated me in the basement, he’d demanded answers. Now, Olias demanded the same, and Julius interfered upon my behalf. I didn’t know what had changed, but I knew the thread that connected him to Olias. “I’m sorry about your sister.”

  His eyes narrowed the slightest bit, like maybe he didn’t trust the sentiment. “It was a long time ago.”

  “Time doesn’t heal all wounds.” I knew as much from personal experience.

  “No.” He agreed. “But there’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”

  Julius left then, in a hurry, and I wondered whether it was because he didn’t believe his own words. As it was, I wasn’t so sure myself.

  I didn’t see James until dinner that night. His empty seat had me worried, but Janna seemed unconcerned, so I tried to ignore the gnawing questions of what he could be up to as we made small talk. Julius’ usual seat was vacant as well, but the queen sat straight in her chair, watching the people in the hall go about their business, her friends and family all under one roof. They were intriguing, these men and women who raised children with the greatest love and care, but swore to put allegiance to the Creator above anything else. They were confident that they’d never be asked to make a sacrifice that they couldn’t handle, but I wasn’t so sure.

  James had only just sworn the oath himself, and yet he was already busy, missing meals to attend to matters I probably couldn’t comprehend. Even before it had been official, he’d borne duties that seemed stifling. Then again, power had never really done it for me, maybe because I was born into it. Lucky me, I’d gotten a glimpse at the intoxicating allure of supreme rule from the inside, and I had to say it wasn’t as glorious as it seemed. James’ disappearance was proof of that.

  After father, I had been the official second in command. What that meant, was that in the event of father’s downfall, the inheritance would be mine. The vampires, the house, the fortune…all of it would fall to me. On paper, it sounded good enough, but it left me more susceptible than anyone might think. Feeding upon that power, Xian had targeted me from the very beginning. I had been naïve enough to assume that when he’d come to my father two years ago, it had been attraction or curiosity that drew us together. For me, it had been a bitter dose of both. For him, it had been the simple fact that I was a good strategy.

  Xian used me to get close to my father…and not in the sense that we would sit around as a happy family and enjoy a nice home-cooked meal. It started as little more than respectful smiles in passing, and ended with Xian coming to believe he possessed me. He became my father’s most trusted soldier and ally, truly the second in command, and by the time I realized what he’d done, his hooks in me were too deep to just walk away. What I didn’t know, though, was that by the time I would gather the courage to walk away, I was Xian’s favorite toy, one he’d not let go of without a fight.

  James’ entrance gathered the attention of everyone; they all looked up to smile his way. The smile was returned in kind, but as he took his seat I sensed something beneath the surface. “Did you get what you were looking for?” Janna asked, cutting a sharp look at him. James didn’t respond, but Janna seemed happy enough, and she went back to telling me some story I wasn’t really listening to.

  When dinner was over, she stood and told me she had business to attend to, and so I wished her goodnight and turned to James. The entire day I’d been planning what I would say to him, about his feelings and mine and that kiss, but all of a sudden, I didn’t know what words would be appropriate. He noticed me looking, but when he met my stare, it wasn’t what I’d expected. He looked angry.

  I swallowed any of the things that I might have eventually plucked up the courage to say and retreated to my room, feeling myself become angry too. I hadn’t asked for any of this, and while James hadn’t either, he had played a pretty big role in allowing it all to unfold. I’d had no choice in the matter of being bitten or brought here, but I’d had a choice presented to me just a few days ago and I’d ignored it. Now, I knew what I needed to do.

  I’d come into this house with nothing but the clothes on my back and a necklace that had belonged to a dead woman, and now I had neither of those things. I dug into the dresser, producing my ripped jeans and a nondescript t shirt. I sat on the bed and laced my boots, my conviction growing with my unhappiness. This mess I’d come into, it was not what I’d wanted, not what I’d spent years dreaming of. It wasn’t what I’d forsaken my family for, and if I wasn’t wanted here, there was no reason to stay.

  My heart warred with my mind and body, both of which led me out into the cold night, my back to the palatial house I’d begun to think could act as my home for the next few weeks. Just last night, when I’d been in James’ presence, I might have said that I didn’t need anything, but his absence made me realize I’d been lying to myself. Though Xian’s infatuation with me was a dozen different shades of screwed up, he’d brought me back from the edge of feeling numb, the way I had for years before him. His mind games and irrational anger aside, he’d let me feel again, even if it was fear that I’d come to know. After that, I couldn’t live a life of apathy like the one I’d been stuck in since James had bitten me. I told myself that I needed to go somewhere that I could feel again, anything other than confusion and disappointment and anger. But something was trying to pull me back, and I couldn’t figure out what it was.

  I was halfway across the lawn by the time I realized just how much I didn’t want to leave, and my anxiety reached a peak. Stubborn, I refused to allow myself to turn back, refused to admit I’d acted hastily, and so I plunged further into the maze of bushes, the moon roses and hawthorn even more tangled and beautiful than I’d remembered. When I saw a break in the trees, I ran for it, convinced that if I didn’t, I’d never make it out alive. The wind howled in my ears, and the cold seized my lungs, choked by the cloying smell of the impending storm. Still I ran, until I emerged between the paths into the expanse of land that separated the woods from the werewolves’ den, a length so great that the trees in the distance looked like little more than people.

  “Lilith!”

  I turned upon hearing my name, but didn’t see anything. Shivering, I looked up at the top of the house, which could be seen from the outside of the maze, barely peeking above the tall shrubs. A voice in my head warned me not to do this, and as I was turning back to ignore it, I saw him. James was running toward me. A sigh escaped me and was devoured by the wind.

  “What do you want?” I demanded as he stopped in front of me, fixing me with a very odd look.

  “You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question. Rather, he sounded disappointed, as though he had been hoping it wouldn’t come to this. Or maybe that was my wishful thinking, looking for an excuse to stay.

  “There’s nothing for me here.” I looked away, sure that if I saw those dark eyes watching me long enough, my resolve would disappear into thin air. “I stayed the weekend to help make an impression, out of respect for your fa
ther, but…”

  He reached out lightly and tipped my chin up. Without thinking I met his eyes. “Last night…” He began.

  “You don’t owe me anything.” I told him, prepared to turn away again. But that would mean looking away, and I couldn’t. I was hostage to his hand on my cheek, his eyes locked on mine.

  “I owe you more than I could ever give you.” James looked sincere, but I didn’t understand. My mouth opened so I could say as much, but he shook his head. “Please, let me finish.” I bit my lip, not sure that it was a good idea, but nodded all the same. “Last night, you asked me not to leave. And I didn’t listen to you, because I was scared.”

  “You were scared?”

  “Lilith, in the whole time that you’ve been here, we’ve barely talked. I don’t know anything about you, but I do know that I don’t want you to leave. I know that I’d do almost anything to stop you from walking away right now.”

  I shook my head, because it didn’t make sense. “You don’t really mean that?” My voice was sadly hopeful.

  “I do.” He took my hand, offering a warmth that was entirely foreign to me, spreading from the inside out. “I care about you.”

  I wavered, taken in by the sense of comfort that seemed to grow within me, but scared that I would stay and only make things worse for the both of us when the full moon approached. “You don’t care about me.” I shook my head. “I disgust you. You can’t even look at me.” My voice broke, and I knew tears were soon to follow. I could feel them pooling in my eyes, burning against the wind.

  “That’s not true.” James said. “I’m proving it right now.”

  “You run from me every chance you get.” My voice was thick with unshed tears now. “I am your enemy, one of the things that killed your sister. And now every time you look at me, you think of her. You look the other way when our eyes meet. You kiss me and then you leave…”

  James’ hands tightened on my arms, and when I looked at him he was distraught. “Please tell me you don’t honestly believe that.”

  A tear escaped, slipping quietly down my cheek. James caught it and wiped it away. “What am I supposed to believe?”

  “Me.” He said. “Believe me when I say that you do not disgust me. From the first moment I saw you, you compelled me. I don’t see my sister when I look at you, and I don’t see my enemy. I see a girl whose life I ruined. I see someone who had a life of promise, who could have done any number of brilliant things if I hadn’t interfered. I don’t think of you as my mistake, Lilith, I think of myself as your mistake.”

  I laughed, but it was a poor attempt to conceal a sob. “My mistake? My mistake was leaving my family. I’ve caused your entire family—your entire coven—nothing but misery. If I hadn’t left, Xian would have never attacked, your father would still be alive, and you wouldn’t be bound to a dying girl.”

  James looked like I’d slapped him, and I thought maybe I’d gone too far by mentioning his father. But then he wrapped his arms around me, a gesture that took me by surprise, and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his heartbeat pressed against my chest, his warmth seeping into me. “I should have told you this sooner, but the bond doesn’t create something that isn’t there. It was approved because our paths crossed, one way or another. I didn’t want you to think that whatever feelings you developed were forced on you, or manufactured. Maybe it was wrong of me, maybe it was selfish, but I’ve been terrified this whole time that if you knew the truth, that if you knew our destinies were involved, that you’d run the other way.” I blinked, considering his words. He had been scared that I would reject him? “I avoided answering your questions and did my best to never catch your eye and take the other way when you were around because I wasn’t ready to accept that my future was written for me. I didn’t want you to feel the same, and so I kept you in the dark, at arm’s length. I’ve never been this scared before.”

  “You’re…scared of me?” It seemed ridiculous that this man twice my size and with the claim of a King would be scared of me.

  “Not of you.” His hand found mine, lacing our fingers together. “Of what you could do to me. If you left right now, I don’t think I’d ever be the same, not because I bit you and that makes us connected, but because of what lies between us…what it could be if it had the chance to grow.”

  My heart crashed against my ribcage and came to a faltering stop. I think the whole world stopped, if only for a moment. Or maybe that moment grew into something greater in my memory, stretched infinitely so that I could remember every detail, every facet of that night. I didn’t know how I felt, exactly. I’d thought I knew what love was one time, but I’d been wrong. I felt like an emotional roller coaster. I was happy when he was around, and I missed him when he was gone. Every feeling in his presence was heightened, multiplied to a level of passion that I couldn’t begin to understand.

  Though I didn’t know how I felt, I was certain of what I wanted. I wanted to stay wrapped up in his arms, kiss his lips, and sit at his side. I wanted to stay with James and see what would happen. Perhaps we were destined to be together, or perhaps we would never move beyond this mutual attraction. I wouldn’t know if I didn’t stay. That reward made the risk worthwhile.

  “Ok.” The word was squashed when he pulled me in tighter, his large arms offering a kind of shelter from the wind. I buried my face in his chest and held tight for a long while, unmoving as the wind whipped around us and the sounds of the woods beckoned. When he pulled away much too soon it was to grace me with a smile. His eyes danced with excitement.

  “We never did get to finish the conversation from the other day.” James said, leading me back toward the house with my hand in his. But we didn’t go inside; he veered away at the mouth of the maze, leading me to the courtyard.

  A week ago, the courtyard had hosted a diner set and something that looked like a tea party. Just a few nights ago, it had housed hundreds of chairs at the king’s funeral. But tonight as we approached, the courtyard was empty. White lights twinkled in the bushes, candles hung in glass lanterns from the branches of a tree, and there was a blanket laid flat underneath it. “I didn’t get you anything for your birthday,” he warned. “But I thought that maybe you’d accept some answers?”

  I’d never seen anything quite so spectacular. The lights in the bushes illuminated the moon rose so that they glowed a soft and creamy white. The shadows cast on the ground around us were like stars, dancing on the concrete as the candles shifted. “Yes,” I said, looking around in awe. “Answers are more than enough.”

  We sat together on the blanket, which was covered in pillows, and looked up at the stars. I kicked off my boots. The hedges blockaded the wind almost entirely, so that when we positioned our bodies just so, we were both perfectly warm in spite of the chill. All that could be seen of the wind was the way that the candles swung gently in their jars above us.

  By the time we were situated, I was beginning to feel drowsy with the downy sense of warmth he gave me, so much so that when he asked what I wanted to know, I simply told him “Tell me everything.”

  My request must have seemed strange to him, if the way his lips curled in amusement was any indication. “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘sealed with a kiss’?” I nodded and made some sound of acknowledgement. “It originated from a sacred line of oaths, the kind which demand a physical seal.”

  I stared at him for a moment, and when he turned to look at me finally I couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t understand.”

  “Words are beautiful, majestic, even, but they simply don’t bear the weight of promise. Thus in all unearthly promises, the ones that are meant to transcend time, physical seals must be utilized. The seal bearing our devotion to the Creator comes in the form of the celestial kiss, or as we so eloquently call it these days, the bite. When a werewolf bites another, those people are swearing to spend eternity in devotion to each other.”

  “Forever is a long time.” It was an errant thought, but it slipped past my lips.
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  “Yes,” James agreed, “But for some people, forever is not enough. The sentiment behind the kiss is quite interesting.”

  “Tell me?” I begged.

  “Long before women had dowries or were considered their father’s property, people used to swear their love to one another before God himself. It wasn’t a big affair, just two suitors who went to pledge themselves to each other with God as their witness. Though it was a simple gesture, the weight of that promise meant a lot, and the Lord asked that if two people were so certain of themselves as to take the vow, that they never ask for it to be broken. And so it was for a time, until one of the couples who’d pledged themselves asked for the vow to be broken. You see, when they’d come to him to profess their love, the Creator had feared that pride would be the downfall of their relationship. The woman was the most sought after in all her village and the man was rumored to have procured interest in more than a few ladies. But God granted their request, only for them to return months later. The man had been bitten while away on business, and his wife could no longer stand the sight of him, a monster in her mind. He might have been able to live like that if it weren’t for the love of another to remind him that he deserved more than what he got from his wife.

  “They went to God and begged for him to absolve them of their responsibilities to one another, but the Creator was disappointed. He refused to grant the request unless he could prove that his new love truly would stay at his side. He demanded a seal…He said that if She would stay with him, she must become what he was. If they wanted to be together, she had to be turned into a werewolf so that she would understand her husband completely. The happy couple obliged, and the mother of werewolves Celeste was born. Their devotion to one another only seemed to grow over this shared condition. Their love became a beacon, something to which all other’s aspired. They called it the Celestial Kiss.”