The Celestial Kiss Read online

  Chapter Twenty

  Xian’s threat tortured my thoughts. James had said he had to see his mother, and when I baldly refused to go with him, ditched me in my room. Janna apologetically informed me that she was dead tired and slipped off to her own room. Just like that, I was alone again. Even my dear friend sleep didn’t want anything to do with me. Or else, my thoughts didn’t want anything to do with sleep.

  I didn’t know what Xian had meant when he said that James would regret it, but I did know Xian. When it came to power, he was undeniably true to his word. Once he’d attained what he wanted, however, his word was worthless. Xian wanted me, and I still couldn’t figure out why. At one point, I’d assumed his intent was to get my father in his pocket by controlling me. Now, my father could not have cared any less what happened to me. I’d have thought Xian’s obsession with me would have ended when my father’s patience with me had ended. That it hadn’t been laid to rest was troubling to me.

  Of course, it wasn’t love that he felt for me. It couldn’t have been. He’d claimed it was before, a couple of times, and I’d believed him. I knew better now. Xian was cold in every manner of the word. He didn’t even know what love was. If he was telling the truth, then circumstances would have been different. If he really had loved me, he wouldn’t have pushed me this hard. If he cared about me at all, I’d probably never have met James…

  No. Xian had a reason for wanting me, and it was not even slightly obvious. That was disconcerting in and of itself, but there was something else that weighed on my mind. Just two weeks ago, father had vehemently denied James’ proposal. Last week, Janna said that she’d renegotiated with my father. Now, suddenly, he was sending Xian to retract his earlier refusal? And there was another thing… He was sending Xian to do his dirty work… the only kind of work that he actually liked.

  No, Father was stubborn. I had a hard time believing that he had really changed his mind. Moreover, I had a hard time believing that he would send Xian to fetch me. He was too prideful. Sending a third party onto werewolf territory only seemed cowardly, and father wouldn’t have anyone think him a coward. Nothing about it seemed right, but I couldn’t figure out exactly what was wrong about it either.

  All of those concerns pressed in and around my brain until I couldn’t handle it any longer. After spending all day locked in the study, my lungs ached for fresh air. Though the sky had threatened rain all day, it hadn’t followed through yet. I wanted to make it back before it got the chance.

  It was late, and silent as a crypt except for the noise I made trying to sneak out without waking anybody. There was a door open up the hall, giving me cause to move extra stealthily. A faint light, probably from a flickering candle, caught my attention. I’d probably not have thought much about it, except for that as I passed I caught a drift of Janna’s voice. She was speaking in a language I didn’t understand, presumably the same one that James had spoken at the funeral. Something about her tone of voice, the way the words sounded, was almost…seductive. I didn’t catch the whole of what she was saying, but I tuned in just in time to hear her say my name, and then after a few seconds, “Please.”

  The silence that followed it felt heavy, almost stifling enough that I wanted to make my presence known. Before I could, a sigh punctured the quiet. “I know it’s the right thing to do, but I don’t put much stock into things like what’s right and fair.” The voice was male; the switch to English was welcome.

  “I know.” Janna’s voice was subdued, less intense now. “But if for nothing else, do it for me. I know it’s strange, but it’s important to me.”

  When her companion responded, it was in that foreign tongue, and I didn’t see what any of it had to do with me. Janna laughed. “You know you can’t resist something that makes me happy.”

  I pulled away from the wall, inexplicably uncomfortable. The conversation didn’t concern me anymore, and I had no right listening in as it was. I forced myself to carry on down the hall, trying to recognize where I’d heard that voice. I’d met so many new people in the last few weeks, which made deciphering one from the other next to impossible. And yet something told me I should know who it was.

  I’d meant to go to the courtyard and sit on the bench where James and I had lunch the day his father died, but with the sky’s impending upheaval, it seemed wise to stay close. It seemed I wasn’t the only one in need of some fresh air. James sat on the edge of the fountain, hands folded in his lap. He stayed still as I moved to stand next to him, staring out at the hazily illuminated trees. He seemed to be deep in thought, so I stared out there and considered the boundaries too.

  Everything beyond the first line of trees was dark and indecipherable. But I knew they were out there; the first line of defense. Cam and Iz and Desmond, Connor, and the others I hadn’t been introduced to. They were out there, and possibly with a traitor among them. Hell, one of them could even be the traitor who had helped Xian get in.

  “You couldn’t sleep either?” James asked. Pale light glanced off his tanned skin, making him practically glow around the edges. I shook my head. James unfolded himself and held out an arm. I needed no further invitation to sit curled against his chest. Both of his arms wrapped around me, forming a circle that felt to me safer than anything possible.

  Just days ago we’d been playing hot and cold. I’d seen his flaws and his strengths long before and been both repulsed and attracted. Pressing my body into his now felt both right and not real, as though it were the quasi-dream-like state that closely precedes sleep. I didn’t understand the evolution of my own feelings, whether they were forced upon me or pulled up from some place I didn’t realize even existed. But with him there, it didn’t feel necessary to question it.

  I was silent for a long while, reveling in the comfort of his touch, but after a while I had to make my doubts known. I couldn’t cheat him by pretending I was care-free, when I was in reality anything but. “He meant what he said, James. Xian won’t stop.”

  I said it quietly, so that I almost wondered if James even heard me. He was quiet for a couple of seconds and then let go of a reluctant sigh, “I know.”

  I was grateful that James couldn’t see my face. The fear there had to be all too palpable. The racing of my heart was bad enough, whether it be brought on by our proximity or my anxiety over Xian’s intentions. “What are we going to do?”

  “I don’t know yet,” James admitted. My lip trembled; I inhaled a shaky breath, forcing myself to peel away from him so I could turn and look him in the face. I grabbed his hand instead, admiring the way it wrapped so completely over mine.

  “I’m scared.”

  I hated admitting that, but if there was anybody I could trust, it had to be James. Just a few days before I wouldn’t have been able to say that, but something had changed now; I could feel it.

  “I won’t let him hurt you.” James said, brushing a lock of hair away from my face.

  “That’s not what I’m worried about.” I shook my head. “Xian can do nothing to hurt me that he hasn’t already done.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean I’m worried about what he’ll do to you, to your people, your family. He is capable of so much.”

  “I know. I hope you realize…whatever happened in your past, you can tell me. Whatever he did to you.”

  The offer caught me off guard; I stared dumbly at him a second before looking away. James turned me back to him. His face was soft, imploring me to trust him. “Nothing I can’t live through.” I feigned a smile that wavered around the edges and was gone too soon.

  But James wasn’t satisfied with that answer. He kept looking at me, as if he were trying to figure it out for himself. My past was part of me…a gnarled, forsaken part of me, but one all the same. “It’s tragically cliché. I thought I loved him when I was too naïve to know what love was. And he took advantage of that.”

  “You mean you.” James said flatly. “He took advantage of you.”

  It was an uncomfort
able truth. I bit my lip. “He was stupid enough to think I would stick around no matter what. But you don’t tell someone you love them one minute, and then hurt them the next. I thought it was okay for a long time. My own father wasn’t much different, claiming tough love whenever he brushed me off. ” Talking about this made me uncomfortable. I’d never discussed it with anyone. Occasionally we’d get caught in a compromising position, but most of my brothers and sisters were happy to look the other way. They didn’t question the bruises or the bite marks, and they didn’t object to my already scant presence waning. They only knew that when he’d first arrived, I had changed from the naïve and hopeless girl. I’d become stronger in his presence, apt to see them all in a new light. They had noticed back then that I was more social, that I went to their parties and listened to their stories. They didn’t notice when I stopped doing that. In fact, by the time Xian and I ended things just a few months ago, nobody wondered what happened.

  This had been my private shame for so long that sharing it with James felt weird. I didn’t like that it made me sound helpless. Or, for that matter, that it made me feel helpless. I looked down and noticed the book in James’ lap.

  He followed my gaze, flipping it over in his hands. “It was my sister’s. I took it from you because it belonged to Jocelyn, and I didn’t want to share it. But more than that, I didn’t want you to know about her.” He held it out for me to take, so I did. “It was cowardly, Lilith, but I didn’t want you to know what happened to her because I didn’t want you to know what could happen to you. I wanted you to have some kind of hope that we could fix it…that I could fix it. I still want you to believe in me. I’m not done trying yet.”

  I didn’t know if it was normal that I had a limited time left to live, and yet I spent it worrying about what would happen to everyone else when I was gone. Probably not. But then I hadn’t cared about what happened to me for a while. The only difference was that now I had something to lose. I clutched Jocelyn’s journal between my hands. Had she felt the same?

  “I am giving it back to you now because I read it all.” James’ voice broke the silence. “I wish I hadn’t. If she had wanted me to know those things, she would have told me. But I can’t go back, and I think that it might…help you.”

  “Help me?” How could she help me when she’d been dead for two years? I didn’t dare say that aloud.

  James took my hand; I witnessed in that moment a very rare, fleeting glimpse of vulnerability. “I don’t know what you’ve been through, or understand what you’re going through, but I think Joss would have. I think you have more in common than even you initially thought.”

  “James…” I started, thinking of all the reasons why he shouldn’t say that, why I didn’t want to be like his deceased sister. I let them dissolve on my tongue. “Thank you.”

  James was alight with a new kind of intensity. “I will not let him hurt you again, Lilith. Not ever.”

  I shook my head, for lack of anything to say, but James enveloped me into a hug. The warmth of that, at least, chased away the cold that had seemed to take up residence in my bones. My heart constricted with the passion of his words. A knot had found its way into my throat, which felt like sandpaper, but I finally managed to admit what had been weighing on my mind all day. “It’s you I’m worried about.”

  “Me?” James’ dark eyebrows knitted together. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

  “Whatever Xian aims to do…it’s not good. I don’t know why he thinks he wants me, but I know that he won’t stop fighting until I’m dead… or he is.”

  “And I won’t stop fighting until he’s dead, or I am.”

  “James,” I shook my head, but didn’t have a chance to finish my warning.

  “If he starts a fight, I’ll finish it.”

  “And in doing so, you’ll start a war!” I pulled away a bit so he could see just how serious I was. “I’m not worth that.”

  “You’re worth more than you know,” He said softly. “Whatever happens between the vampires and werewolves isn’t because of you. This has been a long time coming.”

  “I won’t watch him tear this town apart.” It was a warning. If the situation got bad, I would do whatever was necessary to keep things from unraveling.

  “And I won’t let that happen, Lilith.” James pursed his lips together. He knew I was right. “I can promise you this. The only way we will go to war is if he violates the accords. He got a pass for coming into my home because I did the same to him.”

  His words didn’t serve their purpose; I still felt nauseous with thoughts of what he could do to make life miserable for the werewolves. An idea had been toying at the back of my brain. It was not necessarily the route I wanted to take, but it was the one that was righteous. “We can stop this before it starts… It’s as easy as letting me go.”

  He shook his head without missing a beat. “Letting you go wouldn’t be easy.”

  “What’s easy and what’s right are often two different things.” I reminded him.

  “Do you want to go, Lilith?”

  “Of course I don’t!” I snapped, offended by the very idea of what he insinuated. “But I’m willing to do whatever I have to.”

  “Good. Because I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep you safe.” He leaned in to kiss my forehead. I let my eyes flutter closed; there was no winning this conversation. For now, at least, it was over. Just in time, too because that was when the screaming started.

  We turned at the same time, and I saw the wolf barreling for us at top speed before anything else could come into focus. James stood up so fast that if I had still been leaning against him, I’d probably have fallen into the fountain. I rose too, but James was like a lightning bolt even with on two feet. It was several seconds before I caught up to where he stood intently focused on the wolf who stood anxiously at his feet. They seemed to be communicating, despite the fact that they were making no noise.

  James spared me a glance and just barely had time to command “Stay here” before he took off at a sprint. I waited, breathless, as I watched his form grow smaller and smaller, until he was swallowed up by the dense night forest. I had no idea what happened, but the screaming continued to pierce the air, the throaty sound of intense pain giving way to fear and then to anguish, each scream tearing loose from somewhere deep and cold and terrifying. My heart was beating too hard; I wiped sweaty palms on my jeans.

  I jumped at a sudden flash of movement in the trees and immediately hated myself for it. Someone laughed, and a chill swept over me like ice over water. I knew that soulless sound all too well.

  Xian was behind me in an instant, and I jumped again at his touch. It was just a hand brushing hair from my neck, but he may as well have stabbed me between the ribs. I turned to face him, forcing my fear down within me. His face was smooth and calm. The rage I had seen earlier that night had disappeared, and he seemed as impassive as ever. His eyes, such a dark blue they could have melted into the night sky were it not for his pale face, looked hungry. “I did that for you, Lilith. Remember that.”

  “What did you do?” I wanted to step back, to be out of his reach, but I didn’t want him to see me do it.

  Xian looked at me with something like pity and patted my cheek. I cringed from his touch. “One dead and one turned. This is the first night he has refused me, Lilith. On the second night there will be two dead and two turned. Each night you’re away from me, I’ll kill and turn them accordingly. Think about it, darling. Is your life really worth all that?” A smile tweaked his lips.

  I didn’t know how to answer that, but it didn’t matter. He was gone in a matter of seconds, leaving me to contemplate the question in silence until a hulking wolf rushed by, nearly knocking me off my feet. It wasn’t James but he was close behind, a small figure draped across his arms. My cheeks warmed at the sight of his bare chest, at the thought of that woman pressed up against my naked…what was he, really? My boyfriend? It was ridiculous, but it was a thought that I
couldn’t push away. A few weeks ago, I’d more or less been that girl. He’d held me like that against his warm body, and I had missed it.

  All longing disappeared when he was close enough for me to see that he was covered in blood. My stomach dropped at the sight of it. “James?” I called, my voice wavering with panic.

  Julius appeared at my side. “Go to the cellar.” He commanded, quickly and fiercely. “The last door on the left is Delilah’s. Tell her what happened, and run.”

  I nodded, without even contesting the fact that I didn’t know exactly how to get to the cellar or what had happened.

  I ran, stumbling over my own feet as my vision cut back and forth between where I was going, the lifeless figure in James’ arms, and the day the King had been killed.

  Delilah’s door gave way under my assault, swinging open to find her sitting up in her bed, cross-legged and slack-jawed. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I’m sorry to frighten you,” I panted, too breathless to be bitter. “Someone’s hurt. James is bringing her in now.”

  The anger slipped off her face. Delilah was on her feet in an instant, rushing to a dresser standing on the far wall. “What happened?” She demanded.

  “I…I don’t know.”

  She spun and fixed me with a look that could only be described as doubt. Xian’s warning tickled my neck. Kill one, change one.

  “She may have been attacked by a vampire.”

  Delilah stood up slowly, looking rightfully exhausted. I’d pulled her from bed in the thick of night, and still she was hardly dressed under her robe.

  The woman lying on the bed was pale and shaking, inches from death. I didn’t doubt she could feel it breathing down her neck. I’d seen this, what the woman was going through, so many times I couldn’t even count them, but it still made me sick… With fear, with nausea, with rage.

  “Well?” James demanded, in a tone I’d never heard him use with anyone other than me. He was so angry, I could practically see him quaking with suppressed fury. The line of his jaw seemed composed of steel.